climb mountains,
not so that the world may see
you,
but so that you may see the world.
never have i felt so close to God as i do when i'm out hiking. the mountains just connect things in my mind, my heart, and my soul that i seem to struggle with in everyday life. maybe it's the air at that high altitude and the sunburn it causes, the warmth in my hammies, or maybe it's the amount of wildgrasses i encounter being kissed by the breeze. or maybe it's the simple fact that i actually take the time to disconnect from my busy problems and just stop and let myself exist in the purest of ways.
stop. cease. quit. terminate. pause.
i am busy. i feel kind of silly saying that but really, i am busy. i take eighteen credits a semester, i have extra curricular obligations, meetings, additional work for grad school, research, and a life outside school i like to live. so yeah, i am busy and the conception of pausing is scary to me. to pause is a mini-moment in which i lose control. i let go of the reigns and intentionally tell God and the surrounding world that i am letting go. and that is scary. maybe that's why i love to be busy. it keeps those moments minimal and keeps me believing i have control. man, what a lie right?
existence is a word the human race is constantly trying to give a luxurious, grand meaning to. i myself want my existence to be meaningful in the idea that it is inspiring. i want to touch hands with people but more than that i want to touch their lives. i want to be a vessel of change for the better even if it is just within a single life. and even though that sounds sort of lofty in your inner monologue, it really isn't that easy. giving meaning to your existence is a constant struggle that so many people face every single morning. this quest doesn't discriminate by age, gender, race, class, location; everyone wants to be meaningful. everyone wants to be important and vital to someone else's existence.
adding this sort of quest to the business of everyday life can really skew a person's perspective. i've written about it before and i'm gonna do it again: we chase after things to give purpose, to gain access to ease in living, to be given titles but that's not what life--- that's not what existence is about. and it is in those incredibly long and sweet moments on a mountainside that i get to stop the pace of life and remember that.
i grew up watching a mom who literally did it all; she worked(s) hard, did way more than she needed, and rest wasn't a priority or even a passing thought. this kind of life is something we deem to be selfless. and yes it is, but it isn't just a selfless life. it is a life that tears the liver of the life down. self worth is directly proportional to how much we accomplish and how others rank our work. yeah, talk about self implosion waiting to happen. back to my mom, as i got older her work ethic and selfless attitude didn't change but her ability to prioritize for self time did. and the change was so obvious.
i'm a total reflection of my mom. i get involved in things. i get involved in people. i get involved in the world going on around me. i over commit and i eventually find myself weeks later sleep deprived, angry, and frustrated in the very few hours in a day. doing things like this is a method of trying to bluntly feed my own ego. the failure i experience in trying to do it all is an intervention telling me to calm-a-tay! luckily, over the last few years in college, i've moved toward a better balancing act between work and play. but i find the weeks that i am at my most calm, no matter how busy my schedule is, are the weeks that i hike.
i love living in new mexico. the nature variety around here is amazing and there's nothing quite like it. grabbing a backpack, some water, and hopping in my jeep to cruise a back road, it is an adventure all in itself. but that physical progression up a hill, facing a physical struggle, and reaching a peak to see the world in all of its incredible, perfect beauty...wow.
what a way to reflect on my actual life and actual struggles. being able to conquer that steep terrain, being able to get up when i fall, being able to enjoy the journey through the struggle is a significant and relevant comparison to my life experience. hiking is a way to rationalize that i will always reach the other side no matter how difficult the way is. being able to tangibly experience this provides a restful sensation through my existence.
God is present in the perfectness of nature. He's present in your journey. He's present in your struggle with your own purpose and your own meaning of existence. He's aware of your skirmish between your mind and your heart. He's the means of intervention through which we fail when we spread ourselves thinner than gossamer and He's the sponsor of that rest we all long for. i promise you the world isn't in your control, so it won't implode on the axis if you disconnect and go off the grid for a little while each week. heck, it won't even do that if you go off for an extended amount of time. take the time to do what calms your soul whatever that may be. get outside. create things. listen to music. immerse yourself in a book. nap. cook. bake. just take the time.
stop focusing on making gains in the world, but instead on making gains within yourself. the gains in the rest of your life and the rest of your people will follow.
existence is a word the human race is constantly trying to give a luxurious, grand meaning to. i myself want my existence to be meaningful in the idea that it is inspiring. i want to touch hands with people but more than that i want to touch their lives. i want to be a vessel of change for the better even if it is just within a single life. and even though that sounds sort of lofty in your inner monologue, it really isn't that easy. giving meaning to your existence is a constant struggle that so many people face every single morning. this quest doesn't discriminate by age, gender, race, class, location; everyone wants to be meaningful. everyone wants to be important and vital to someone else's existence.
adding this sort of quest to the business of everyday life can really skew a person's perspective. i've written about it before and i'm gonna do it again: we chase after things to give purpose, to gain access to ease in living, to be given titles but that's not what life--- that's not what existence is about. and it is in those incredibly long and sweet moments on a mountainside that i get to stop the pace of life and remember that.
stop. cease. quit. terminate. pause. stop. cease. quit. terminate. pause. stop. cease. quit. terminate. pause.
seriously, you have to take a step back sometimes. you have to stop the deadlines. you have to stop the continual progressive planning. you have to quit trying to do it all. you have to stop spreading yourself like peanut butter over the bread of life so thin that you can barely even be seen as a layer of the sandwich. everybody likes more peanut butter. believe me, the world keeps turning even if you don't accomplish everything on your daily to-do list. i know that's hard to come to grips with. it's hard to put the action of stopping onto that list. man, do i know.i grew up watching a mom who literally did it all; she worked(s) hard, did way more than she needed, and rest wasn't a priority or even a passing thought. this kind of life is something we deem to be selfless. and yes it is, but it isn't just a selfless life. it is a life that tears the liver of the life down. self worth is directly proportional to how much we accomplish and how others rank our work. yeah, talk about self implosion waiting to happen. back to my mom, as i got older her work ethic and selfless attitude didn't change but her ability to prioritize for self time did. and the change was so obvious.
i'm a total reflection of my mom. i get involved in things. i get involved in people. i get involved in the world going on around me. i over commit and i eventually find myself weeks later sleep deprived, angry, and frustrated in the very few hours in a day. doing things like this is a method of trying to bluntly feed my own ego. the failure i experience in trying to do it all is an intervention telling me to calm-a-tay! luckily, over the last few years in college, i've moved toward a better balancing act between work and play. but i find the weeks that i am at my most calm, no matter how busy my schedule is, are the weeks that i hike.i love living in new mexico. the nature variety around here is amazing and there's nothing quite like it. grabbing a backpack, some water, and hopping in my jeep to cruise a back road, it is an adventure all in itself. but that physical progression up a hill, facing a physical struggle, and reaching a peak to see the world in all of its incredible, perfect beauty...wow.what a way to reflect on my actual life and actual struggles. being able to conquer that steep terrain, being able to get up when i fall, being able to enjoy the journey through the struggle is a significant and relevant comparison to my life experience. hiking is a way to rationalize that i will always reach the other side no matter how difficult the way is. being able to tangibly experience this provides a restful sensation through my existence.
the beauty is not the destination (though incredibly beautiful itself) not the end meaning of life, but instead in the journey.
God is present in the perfectness of nature. He's present in your journey. He's present in your struggle with your own purpose and your own meaning of existence. He's aware of your skirmish between your mind and your heart. He's the means of intervention through which we fail when we spread ourselves thinner than gossamer and He's the sponsor of that rest we all long for. i promise you the world isn't in your control, so it won't implode on the axis if you disconnect and go off the grid for a little while each week. heck, it won't even do that if you go off for an extended amount of time. take the time to do what calms your soul whatever that may be. get outside. create things. listen to music. immerse yourself in a book. nap. cook. bake. just take the time.
stop focusing on making gains in the world, but instead on making gains within yourself. the gains in the rest of your life and the rest of your people will follow.
starve the ego. feed the soul.
i'm up in the woods,
i'm down on my mind.
i'm building a sill,
to slow down the time...
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